Life is not going as planned

At the same time I am moving my loved one with dementia from her current assisted living to another, my 92 year old father needed to be placed into a nursing home.

There is no stress in my life!

Of course there is stress. I would not have tackled both at the same time but life has a funny way of not following my plan.

My father who had only a marginal cognitive decline up until a few months ago was living in his home. This is what he wanted, to live out the remainder of his life in his home. Well life did not follow his plan.

Several weeks ago I found him on the floor next to his bed. He had been able to walk the day before including a flight of stairs. It was evident to both me and the EMTs that he needed to be evaluated.

My dad was on hospice services at home. I needed to make the decision to sign him off of that program if he was admitted to the hospital. Despite our plans to keep him home, he was hospitalized for a week.

And our plans to keep him home with services would be insufficient to keep him safe. We needed 24×7 nursing support to do so. As his primary care giver and healthcare proxy I consulted with his medical team and made the decision to move him to a nursing home with hospice. I already had a nursing home selected in the event it was needed. Thankfully, I did not have to manage that during this crisis.

I had to break a promise to my dad. He did not want to go to a nursing home. My plan to honor his wishes are not going to be filled.

My brother and I agreed that this is best for my dad and for the family. My dad is safe. We came to the realization that 24×7 nursing at his home would require supervision and that supervision would be me. My brother lives in NYC and has yet to get the Covid19 vaccine. He is unable to visit,

I do not have the capacity to manage my loved one with dementia’s needs and keep my dad safe with 24×7 home care. It is not possible during this time when the Covid19 virus is still very active in our community. The nursing home has no Covid cases. I am dressed head to in PPE when visiting my dad in his room. They have strict protocols. I do not have that level of confidence with hiring multiple shifts of nursing at home.

It is not my plan. It is not my dad’s plan but no one guaranteed either of us that are plans would be and could be followed. I believe I made the best choice with the cards we were dealt. And my loved ones are safe.

How have you managed “change in plans”? Do you have a contingency plan?

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