Lately I am using “should” and “should not” statements in my thinking.
I “should” know better because I have studied cognitive distortions.
I know these thoughts causes me to internalize guilt and externalize anger
I also manage to compound cognitive distortions.
Lately I have been thinking “I should know better to not jump to conclusions, when I do I am a failure“.
I just managed to feel guilty because I interpreted something without facts and anticipating failure.
So why do I?
Because I am seeing things in black-and-white. I am thinking my performance is falling short of perfect and thus I am a failure
To further compound things, I am seeing a single negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat. I am dwelling on it and disqualifying the positive and as a result magnifying the importance.
This is exhausting and not sustainable.
My loved one with dementia lives in an assisted living facility. I cannot visit her. My thoughts about what I should be doing are distorting subsequent thoughts. As a result I am not feeling very good about myself. I am not making any progress with my loved one’s situation.
So today I am going to interact with her via a video call. I can be with her remotely. We can chat about the book she is reading. We can chat about our father’s upcoming 92nd birthday and how we may celebrate it.
No thoughts with “should” or “should not”.
I am already feeling much better about myself
HartFelt wishes that you replace “should” and “should not” with what may be possible. Let’s stop beating ourselves up!
HartFelt Coaching 