Over the past five months I have learned more about myself, my likes and dislikes. This was not an intentional analysis. Rather the result of COVID19 protocols.
I learned I am a very social creature. I do not do well sheltering at home in an effort to keep myself, my husband, father and sister safe.
I do not join local gatherings. Neighbors got together recently for a socially distance get-together. I stayed home
I wear my mask when I need to go out. I only going out to help my father who lives alone and my loved one with dementia’s appointments. These are my social events and it is not enough.
I try to stay engage with online socialization. I joined several networking groups. I have signed up for classes. It helps but as the pandemic continues and we wait for a vaccine, the online interactions are not enough.
I have family and friends I can call and do so regularly. I am reminded that December 2019 was the last visit to my brother. I usually visit 3 times year, spring, summer and Christmas. I will not see him this year. I can’t remember that last time I went a full year without seeing him, perhaps 25 years ago or more.
Even the period of time when I was going through chemotherapy and radiation treatment I was able to socialize. I had to be careful because my immune system was impacted and I avoided large gatherings of unknown. But I could and did engage with my family, friends and my neighborhood face to face. I traveled and visited my brother. I could hug my father.
I am finding it very hard to manage my need for socialization. Some days I am more mad than sad. I actually prefer to be more mad. It feels more energizing. Logically I know I can’t sustain it without a toll.
I know this is temporary. I am doing my best to find gratitude. I am doing my best to use the time to do things I said I don’t have time for. And when it is safe for me to socialize face-to-face, I am going to visit everyone I said to over the years, “yes, I’d love to visit”.
That list continues to grow.
HartFelt wishes for strength to remain safe for you, your family and friends.